My Big Fat Pekingese Belly

So, it turns out Mom didn't take me to Nakuru, Kenya, Africa after all! What a let down. I was all packed and ready to go...dog bowl, adventure belt (leash, to you humans), Duck (my favorite toy). But come the day after Kissmas, Mom, MG, and Uncle Matt all left me at the house, and then MG and Uncle Matt came back without Mom. She went to Africa without me! What a female dog!

Other than my disappointment in being left home, Kissmas all in all was okay. I got a new party dress, which always makes my day. And even Krusty Charlie got a little Kissmas hoodie. We looked adorable, I must say.

Don't pretend you're not turned on.

Krusty Charlie is SO emo!

"Every party has a Pooper, that's why we invited you, Party Pooper! Party Pooper!"

One of the days in December was super super nice outside, so Mom and M.G. decided they were going to Beach, and this time I got to come! I had never been to Beach before, but it was Ahhhh-mazing! I even got in the water for a little bit (I'm not a huge fan of water, but I'm learning.) We walked and walked and walked and walked for a long time, and lots of people stopped to tell me just how adorable I was and give me scratches on my head. Sometimes though, people would pretend not to see me, and I would stop walking and just stare them down until they acknowledged my presence. People are so rude! When you see something adorable, you mention it, okay?!
<------We are pretty photogenic, no?

Someone should tell mom she looks dumb in baseball hats.

Now that Kissmass is over, Mom is on this whole "Working Out" thing. She keeps muttering about needing to lose some pounds. And then Mean Grammy usually pokes her finger into my belly and says "Yeah, and Wicket can stand to lose some weight, too!"

You know what, Mean Grammy? I gave birth to SEVERAL litters of pups before you came into my life, okay? Mean Grammy has only had 3 pups, so she has no idea what a girl's body can look like after having 30 puppy lips gnawing at your titties your whole life. The next time she pokes her finger in my belly I'm going to bite it right off and then hide it in the back yard. She loves to dig around so much out there, then let her dig for her own stupid finger.

I don't mind "Working Out" that much though, because it means I get to go on walkies every day now! My friends Billy and Jane have been coming with us, and they bring their mom Morgan. So Mom and Morgan squawk like a bunch of chickens the entire time we're walking, and Billy, Jane and I take the lead and see how many times we can pee on top of other dog's pee. I am pretty much king at marking my territory.

We make quite the spectacle in the neighborhood.

Jane has this little plaid bookbag her mom puts on her back for her to hold her own poop during our walk. Jane's mom Morgan said something about "It's THEIR poop---why shouldn't they have to carry it themselves?" I'm glad my mom is broke all the time, because if she had a few spare dollars lying around, I'm pretty sure I'd have a Poo Satchel strapped to my back in 5 seconds flat!

Jane and I used to be Arch Enemies. She was the Joker to my Batman! I mean, she was crazy just for the sake of being crazy. But then after Mom got back from Nakuru, Kenya, Africa she started being nicer and nicer to me, and now we're just about best pals. I don't know what changed her mind about hating me and biting me, but I'm glad we're buddies now. We run around like crazy chasing eachother, smelling each other's fannies, and I even share my toys with her now.

So next time you see me, I will (supposedly) be thinner. Psh, like I care. Mom talks all the time about loving not having a boyfriend, because then she doesn't have to shave her legs or wear makeup and stuff. Well, same with me. I love being fixed, because then I can gain all the weight I want, and I don't have to worry about some stud hanging around me all the time.

I heart being fat.

But I also heart Walkies.

Life is good for me.

- Wicket