Party Animals

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm kind of a big deal. Last night was further proof.

<-------(Me in my awesome Top Hat. Don't be jealous.)

Mom had been planning a surprise party for my birthday, and it all went down last night! (That Mom, she is just too good. Here's a high-four to you Mom!)

All of my bestest friends showed up...Billy and Jane came first (they are always fashionable early), then Roxy, then this little human-pup named Zoe, and then Kelly! (I kept watching the door for my main-crush Rufus to show up, but he never did...more on that later.) Jane looked really pretty, except we had to put the muzzle on her, since she gets bitey around strangers. She looked like Hannibal Lecter in that thing.

All of Mom and M.G.'s human friends were there, too, but we dogs pretty much ruled the house for the rest of the night. We were all over the furniture, sniffing butts, sneaking food, and chasing each other around like one giant tumbleweed of dog fur!

Mom made "Doggy Bags" for all of my guests, and they had all sorts of yummy treats inside. Then Mom brought out little green bowls and set them out in front of us dogs. I didn't know what it was at first, but all my friends plunged snout-first into the stuff, so I figured it had to be good. And wowsa, was it ever! I've never had it before, but it was like nothing I'd ever tasted or smelled. Mom kept saying it was just wet dog food, but I don't think she knows what she's talking about. Our normal dog food definitely doesn't taste like that stuff, even if you did pour water on it and make it wet.

The humans ate a lot, too. It's kind of Mom's thing. Make food, eat it. Make food, eat it. Make food, eat it. Rinse dishes, repeat.

(This is me introducing my old toy Duck to my new toys, Baseball Dog and Ropey.)------>

I like having the human-pup Zoe around, because she is low to the ground, and when she carries food we are able to sneak it from her little hands without anyone really noticing. Plus she likes to give us cuddles, and no dog has ever complained about having too many belly scratches.

I even got presents from my friends! I have never felt so loved. And now I pretty much have enough toys, bones, and treats to last me the next 7 years (that's one year, to you humans).

All in all, it was a pretty fabulous night. My guests really worked the Red Carpet (or in our case, the beige carpet) and smiled for Mom and all of her Paparazzi friends. Then they left for the night.

The only thing that would have made my "Yappy Birthday Party" any better would have been if my man Rufus showed up. He is such a player. But I just can't help myself. Maybe next time Rufus. You know I can't stay mad at 'cha.

Here is some video and pics from the night's festivities.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My new B.F.F.

Well, it is final. There's a new dog in my life.

Mom and M.G. were approved to adopt "Leigh Ann", and Mom went to pick her up this weekend! I wanted to come and be part of the 'Welcoming Committee', but Mom said I was too "spastic" and would freak out the new dog. So I waited at home instead, semi-patiently.

Leigh Ann got rescued from the same lady who rescued me, so we already have that in common. Plus we were both stuck in a life of constant humping and giving birth before we were rescued, so we'll have that to talk about when the humans aren't around. We spent some time alone together yesterday when Mom and M.G. went to their offices, and I told Leigh Ann all about how good her life is going to be from now on. Slumbering parties, lots of belly scratches, and we get to go on walkies all the time.

I kept telling her all these good things, but she was just cocking her head to the side and looking at me funny. I guess she doesn't speak Ewok.

It's a good thing I am half-French though! I had to dust off some of my old French and try and communicate with her.

"Ummm, C'est une maison gentille. Mom and M.G. sont un bon nombre d'amusement. (That means we have lots of fun.) I will share my jouets (toys) with you, and you can use my jardin (garden) to make pee pee. The humans love it when we go potty dehors (outside), and you will get récompenses (like treats!) every time. They really love it when we go potty outside, so if you learn this pretty quick, they will probably let you stick around for a while."

She seemed to understand my "Frenglish" a little bit, so then she started to talk back to me.

"Bonjour. Je m'appelle 'Tatters'! Merci de m'inviter à votre maison. Sank you verrry much. Pleaze inform your humans I preferz to be called "Tatters". Leigh Ann was zee named they used to call me in zee puppy mill, but now, je suis a--how do you Americans say-- Independent Woman! And my new name shall be "Tatters".

"Oh, okay Tatters. I'll let them know. I'm Wicket. I'm pretty much Queen of the house. Then there is Chuck. He is 91 years old, and mostly just sleeps and licks the furniture. Sometimes I have to check and make sure he is still breathing during the day, so you can help me out with that sometimes."

"Ah, pardon, Wicket? Can we stop zee talking for now? Je suis très fatigué, and I need my beauty rest."

"Ummm, okay, but we are going to play later on, right? Cuz Mom promised me we would be new playmates."

"Oui, we will play later."

Then she went and pooped on the kitchen rug and took a loooong nap.

But Tatters followed through on her promise. We played around a lot this morning. We chased eachother, and played with toys. Then I mostly collapsed after about 10 minutes and had to go lay on Mom's down comforter, since I am out of shape and out of breath.

Tatters has no idea what walkies are all about. When we go on our walkies, she doesn't sniff the ground or pee on top of other dog's pee or anything. She mostly freaks out about being on a leash. I'll have to talk to her about that, because it is starting to affect my walkies, and I need at least a mile a day to keep this girlish figure in check. We'll try walkies again today and see if she starts to get it.

This is Tatters, my new B.F.F.

I knew I was meant for fame!

Well, it's official...I'm famous! I knew I would be someday, it was only a matter of time.

Here's how it went...

Mom was online looking for a playmate for me. Don't get me wrong, I love living with my old man Chuck. He opened his house and his food bowl to me when we was just strangers, and I'll never forget that. But he just isn't really interested in playing with me. This is his basic routine: sleep, sleep, lick the carpet, eat, sleep, sleep, have a seizure, lick the sofa, sleep, sleep, sleep, eat. I need more in my life than that! I love to play, and chase things, and run around, and he just can't keep up with a young, hot blonde like me. It's kind of like that Hugh Hefner guy...he opens his house to all the young girls, but really has no intention of keeping up with them.

So as I was barking, mom was online looking for a B.F.F. for me, and she went to the Petfinder.com website where she originally found me. It is pretty much the greatest website in the world that shows all sorts of animals that need hugs and treats and cuddling, and it finds humans for them to live with.

Well mom found a girl on there that would be perfect for me, and it turns out she is from the same adoption agency that I came from! Mom knew this has to be fate, and contacted this lady Dana from the adoption place immediately. I absolutely remember Dana...she is the lady who rescued me from being a puppy mill breeder and brought me to my nice new posh home now. Dana is like my guardian angel!

Mom went ahead and filled out the application for this girl named "Leigh Ann" (bleh, that name will have to change), and submitted her request. After she was done, she played around on the website some more, and clicked on the "Success Stories" link, and BAM! There I was! For all the world to see!

They have a picture of me, and my story, and everything. (Well, they got a little bit of the story wrong. They called Chuck my "sister". I laughed and laughed at this, but Chuck didn't seem to think it was so funny. He just started licking himself where his balls used to be. I think he has "Phantom Ball Syndrome" or something.)

So hopefully we will get to adopt this Leigh Ann girl to be my new B.F.F., and then she can get on the "Success Stories" website too!

Here is the site I am on...
They have me listed as "Precious" because that was my original name. Thank goodness mom gave me a new hip name. I love when Mom tells me the story of how she found me. Mom says that when she saw that first picture of me, it was "love at first site". Then I always give her kisses on her face to thank her for adopting me. I love when mom tells me that story.

So I am hoping to get to meet Leigh Ann this weekend. We'll sniff butts, and see if we have the same hobbies and interests (you know...chewing bones, playing fetch, and long walks on the beach), and if we like eachother then we get to stay together forever and ever.

I'm keeping my paws crossed!

- Wicket

My Big Fat Pekingese Belly

So, it turns out Mom didn't take me to Nakuru, Kenya, Africa after all! What a let down. I was all packed and ready to go...dog bowl, adventure belt (leash, to you humans), Duck (my favorite toy). But come the day after Kissmas, Mom, MG, and Uncle Matt all left me at the house, and then MG and Uncle Matt came back without Mom. She went to Africa without me! What a female dog!

Other than my disappointment in being left home, Kissmas all in all was okay. I got a new party dress, which always makes my day. And even Krusty Charlie got a little Kissmas hoodie. We looked adorable, I must say.

Don't pretend you're not turned on.

Krusty Charlie is SO emo!

"Every party has a Pooper, that's why we invited you, Party Pooper! Party Pooper!"

One of the days in December was super super nice outside, so Mom and M.G. decided they were going to Beach, and this time I got to come! I had never been to Beach before, but it was Ahhhh-mazing! I even got in the water for a little bit (I'm not a huge fan of water, but I'm learning.) We walked and walked and walked and walked for a long time, and lots of people stopped to tell me just how adorable I was and give me scratches on my head. Sometimes though, people would pretend not to see me, and I would stop walking and just stare them down until they acknowledged my presence. People are so rude! When you see something adorable, you mention it, okay?!
<------We are pretty photogenic, no?

Someone should tell mom she looks dumb in baseball hats.

Now that Kissmass is over, Mom is on this whole "Working Out" thing. She keeps muttering about needing to lose some pounds. And then Mean Grammy usually pokes her finger into my belly and says "Yeah, and Wicket can stand to lose some weight, too!"

You know what, Mean Grammy? I gave birth to SEVERAL litters of pups before you came into my life, okay? Mean Grammy has only had 3 pups, so she has no idea what a girl's body can look like after having 30 puppy lips gnawing at your titties your whole life. The next time she pokes her finger in my belly I'm going to bite it right off and then hide it in the back yard. She loves to dig around so much out there, then let her dig for her own stupid finger.

I don't mind "Working Out" that much though, because it means I get to go on walkies every day now! My friends Billy and Jane have been coming with us, and they bring their mom Morgan. So Mom and Morgan squawk like a bunch of chickens the entire time we're walking, and Billy, Jane and I take the lead and see how many times we can pee on top of other dog's pee. I am pretty much king at marking my territory.

We make quite the spectacle in the neighborhood.

Jane has this little plaid bookbag her mom puts on her back for her to hold her own poop during our walk. Jane's mom Morgan said something about "It's THEIR poop---why shouldn't they have to carry it themselves?" I'm glad my mom is broke all the time, because if she had a few spare dollars lying around, I'm pretty sure I'd have a Poo Satchel strapped to my back in 5 seconds flat!

Jane and I used to be Arch Enemies. She was the Joker to my Batman! I mean, she was crazy just for the sake of being crazy. But then after Mom got back from Nakuru, Kenya, Africa she started being nicer and nicer to me, and now we're just about best pals. I don't know what changed her mind about hating me and biting me, but I'm glad we're buddies now. We run around like crazy chasing eachother, smelling each other's fannies, and I even share my toys with her now.

So next time you see me, I will (supposedly) be thinner. Psh, like I care. Mom talks all the time about loving not having a boyfriend, because then she doesn't have to shave her legs or wear makeup and stuff. Well, same with me. I love being fixed, because then I can gain all the weight I want, and I don't have to worry about some stud hanging around me all the time.

I heart being fat.

But I also heart Walkies.

Life is good for me.

- Wicket