Porch Swing and Hawaiian Bling

We are back from vacation! It was pretty fabulous. All we did all week long was nap, play, go to beach, nap, nap, play, play, play. Every dog's dream.

Tatters and I have a newly found love of screened porches now, since that is where we stayed during the daytime while Mom and MG were gone. We moved our beds out there so we could nap more comfortably, and MG would put us up on the porch swing while she read magazines and gave us belly scratches.

Here is what I loved about vacation:
1. Lots of quality time with Mom, since she wasn't running off to work every day.
2. MG gave us a little tiny piece of steak to try. It was, in a word, heavenly.
3. No stupid smelly boys were with us! Just a girl's week. (We left Chuck at home with the neighbors.)

Here is what I didn't love about vacation:
1. Tatters got car sick on the ride to the ferry, and blew chunks all over the back seat of the car right where I was sitting!
2. Tatters got car sick on the ride BACK home again, and threwed up all over the back seat again.

But other than that, we had a pawsome time.

In other news...

Tatters has been walking around on her high horse lately, and I'm about ready to knock her off of it. She thinks she looks like the new Obama dog, Bo.

You should hear her during the day...

"Oh Wicket, even zee Prezident of zee United States knows how bootiful I am. He even got a dog that looks like me, n'est pas?"

"You do not understandz, Wicket, how tiring it is being a, how you say, "look-a-like" for zee First Dog. You cannot understand zees, because you only look like zee furry Ewok creatures. But moi? I look like zee most important dog in zee world. It is exhausting being so desired."

"Wicket, one day, when I am zee First Dog, I promise I will try and get you a job at zee White House so you can come along, too. Zere is always room in zee kitchen for a dishwasher, I am sure!"

Gime me a break, Tatters! Everyone knows Ewoks are WAY more popular than any old stupid First Dog. I mean, we were in the movies! Plus, Ewoks get guns and live in tree houses. All the First Dog gets is a stupid Hawaiian lei around his neck. It looks like it is made out of Troll Doll hair. No thank you.

Even though my mom isn't the First Lady or anything like that, she is definitely the First Mom to me, and that makes her more important than anyone else in the whole world. No bones about it.

- Wicket

Terrible Nightmare

I just woke up from dog-napping (my most favoritest thing to do during the day), and I had a terrible nightmare!!

Tatters and I were on our Fairy Ride to Ocracoke, and the stupid fairy dropped some of our luggage while we were in flight! (Luckily, it was Tatters' suitcase, so I'll still be sporting my bikini at the beach and she'll have to go 'au natural')

What a nightmare. I better talk to Mom about this immediately when she gets home today.

Tattling on Tatters

Mom and M.G. won't stop yapping on and on about Okra-Coke. They are all excited about it, and all they do with their free time is talk about Okra-Coke.

I don't know what is so exciting...it doesn't sound too great to me. I mean, "okra" I get cuz we are in the South. And "coke" I get, because Mom and M.G. suck down Diet Cokes like it is their life-force. But Okra-Coke combined just sounds gross.

They keep talking about scheduling a Fairy ride to get there. "We have to make sure to schedule the Fairy---don't let me forget."

Now folks, I've seen the way Mom packs for trips, and there is NO way that any little Fairy is going to be able to carry all of HER bags, plus all of MY bags, plus M.G.'s bags. Sometimes Mom doesn't make any sense. Fairies, okra, coke...psssh. They get so excited about the dumbest human things.

They need to learn from me, and get excited anytime a ball gets thrown, or anytime they get new bones...that kind of thing.

So mostly while Mom and M.G. have been running around getting all excited about Fairy rides, I've been getting to know my new B.F.F. Tatters a little better. I've decided that I officially like her. I wasn't sure at first, because she was hogging all the attention. But now that she's been around for a while, I'm starting to like her.

We like to rough-house together a lot. She grabs onto my ear with her fangs and just shakes it until it feels like my ear is going to come off my skull. Then I duck low and ram into her like a bulldozer and knock her on her French butt. We are rough-and-tumble kind of girls.

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My new friend did something not-so-friendly though last weekend, and I was so mad at her...I didn't talk to her for the rest of the night!

See, this is what happened...

M.G. was out of town, so Mom decided to have ALL of the dogs sleep in bed with her over the weekend (Tatters totally dug that ménage à trois thing, since she is French and all). So Chuck, Tatters, and I climbed into Mom's big squishy bed and settled in for the night. (Mom got this new featherbed to put on top of her mattress, and it makes our bed extra-squishy soft...we loves the new featherbed.) So Mom went to take her nightly shower, and we three pooches settled in and got cozy. I started to doze off pretty fast (sleeping is kind of my thing). Then all of the sudden I felt something warm, and wet, and smelly encroaching on my sleeping area.

I woke up, and found Tatters PEEING on our bed!! Our nice new feathers and softness and everything! Wet! With stinky Tatters' pee!

I was SO mad--I jumped off of the bed and made a nest on the carpet out of one of Mom's dirty t-shirts, and just waited for Mom to get out of the shower so I could tattle on Tatters.

Mom was SUPER peeved when she got out of the shower. She only had a towel on, but she dropped her towel and threw it on the puddle immediately to try and sop up the pee. (Poor Mom...naked, wet, and jiggling over a pile of dog pee is not a good look for her...not a good look at all.)

All the jiggling and scrubbing was to NO avail--my nice new featherbed was RUINED!

"I hate you Tatters!" I barked, then went and cried in the corner for a few minutes until I fell asleep.

"I hate you Tatters!" Mom said, then pulled her sheets and featherbed off of her mattress and went to sleep out on the sofa.

Chuck, who is forever clueless, said, "Huh, what? There's pee in the bed?" Then laid back down on the mattress and went to sleep like nothing happened. Chuck is so grody.

Luckily, we dogs are great at forgiving. (I think that's why we are man's best friend...we instantly forgive you humans everytime you do anything stupid or mean to us.) So by the next morning everything was right as rain, and Tatters and I were B.F.F.'s again.

I think it will be a long time before Mom invites Tatters over for a slumbering party in our room again. Which is okay by me really, because I'm a diva, and I pretty much take up Jabba The Hut-sized space on the bed anyway. I require lots of room, as you can see.

Party Animals

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm kind of a big deal. Last night was further proof.

<-------(Me in my awesome Top Hat. Don't be jealous.)

Mom had been planning a surprise party for my birthday, and it all went down last night! (That Mom, she is just too good. Here's a high-four to you Mom!)

All of my bestest friends showed up...Billy and Jane came first (they are always fashionable early), then Roxy, then this little human-pup named Zoe, and then Kelly! (I kept watching the door for my main-crush Rufus to show up, but he never did...more on that later.) Jane looked really pretty, except we had to put the muzzle on her, since she gets bitey around strangers. She looked like Hannibal Lecter in that thing.

All of Mom and M.G.'s human friends were there, too, but we dogs pretty much ruled the house for the rest of the night. We were all over the furniture, sniffing butts, sneaking food, and chasing each other around like one giant tumbleweed of dog fur!

Mom made "Doggy Bags" for all of my guests, and they had all sorts of yummy treats inside. Then Mom brought out little green bowls and set them out in front of us dogs. I didn't know what it was at first, but all my friends plunged snout-first into the stuff, so I figured it had to be good. And wowsa, was it ever! I've never had it before, but it was like nothing I'd ever tasted or smelled. Mom kept saying it was just wet dog food, but I don't think she knows what she's talking about. Our normal dog food definitely doesn't taste like that stuff, even if you did pour water on it and make it wet.

The humans ate a lot, too. It's kind of Mom's thing. Make food, eat it. Make food, eat it. Make food, eat it. Rinse dishes, repeat.

(This is me introducing my old toy Duck to my new toys, Baseball Dog and Ropey.)------>

I like having the human-pup Zoe around, because she is low to the ground, and when she carries food we are able to sneak it from her little hands without anyone really noticing. Plus she likes to give us cuddles, and no dog has ever complained about having too many belly scratches.

I even got presents from my friends! I have never felt so loved. And now I pretty much have enough toys, bones, and treats to last me the next 7 years (that's one year, to you humans).

All in all, it was a pretty fabulous night. My guests really worked the Red Carpet (or in our case, the beige carpet) and smiled for Mom and all of her Paparazzi friends. Then they left for the night.

The only thing that would have made my "Yappy Birthday Party" any better would have been if my man Rufus showed up. He is such a player. But I just can't help myself. Maybe next time Rufus. You know I can't stay mad at 'cha.

Here is some video and pics from the night's festivities.

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My new B.F.F.

Well, it is final. There's a new dog in my life.

Mom and M.G. were approved to adopt "Leigh Ann", and Mom went to pick her up this weekend! I wanted to come and be part of the 'Welcoming Committee', but Mom said I was too "spastic" and would freak out the new dog. So I waited at home instead, semi-patiently.

Leigh Ann got rescued from the same lady who rescued me, so we already have that in common. Plus we were both stuck in a life of constant humping and giving birth before we were rescued, so we'll have that to talk about when the humans aren't around. We spent some time alone together yesterday when Mom and M.G. went to their offices, and I told Leigh Ann all about how good her life is going to be from now on. Slumbering parties, lots of belly scratches, and we get to go on walkies all the time.

I kept telling her all these good things, but she was just cocking her head to the side and looking at me funny. I guess she doesn't speak Ewok.

It's a good thing I am half-French though! I had to dust off some of my old French and try and communicate with her.

"Ummm, C'est une maison gentille. Mom and M.G. sont un bon nombre d'amusement. (That means we have lots of fun.) I will share my jouets (toys) with you, and you can use my jardin (garden) to make pee pee. The humans love it when we go potty dehors (outside), and you will get récompenses (like treats!) every time. They really love it when we go potty outside, so if you learn this pretty quick, they will probably let you stick around for a while."

She seemed to understand my "Frenglish" a little bit, so then she started to talk back to me.

"Bonjour. Je m'appelle 'Tatters'! Merci de m'inviter à votre maison. Sank you verrry much. Pleaze inform your humans I preferz to be called "Tatters". Leigh Ann was zee named they used to call me in zee puppy mill, but now, je suis a--how do you Americans say-- Independent Woman! And my new name shall be "Tatters".

"Oh, okay Tatters. I'll let them know. I'm Wicket. I'm pretty much Queen of the house. Then there is Chuck. He is 91 years old, and mostly just sleeps and licks the furniture. Sometimes I have to check and make sure he is still breathing during the day, so you can help me out with that sometimes."

"Ah, pardon, Wicket? Can we stop zee talking for now? Je suis très fatigué, and I need my beauty rest."

"Ummm, okay, but we are going to play later on, right? Cuz Mom promised me we would be new playmates."

"Oui, we will play later."

Then she went and pooped on the kitchen rug and took a loooong nap.

But Tatters followed through on her promise. We played around a lot this morning. We chased eachother, and played with toys. Then I mostly collapsed after about 10 minutes and had to go lay on Mom's down comforter, since I am out of shape and out of breath.

Tatters has no idea what walkies are all about. When we go on our walkies, she doesn't sniff the ground or pee on top of other dog's pee or anything. She mostly freaks out about being on a leash. I'll have to talk to her about that, because it is starting to affect my walkies, and I need at least a mile a day to keep this girlish figure in check. We'll try walkies again today and see if she starts to get it.

This is Tatters, my new B.F.F.

I knew I was meant for fame!

Well, it's official...I'm famous! I knew I would be someday, it was only a matter of time.

Here's how it went...

Mom was online looking for a playmate for me. Don't get me wrong, I love living with my old man Chuck. He opened his house and his food bowl to me when we was just strangers, and I'll never forget that. But he just isn't really interested in playing with me. This is his basic routine: sleep, sleep, lick the carpet, eat, sleep, sleep, have a seizure, lick the sofa, sleep, sleep, sleep, eat. I need more in my life than that! I love to play, and chase things, and run around, and he just can't keep up with a young, hot blonde like me. It's kind of like that Hugh Hefner guy...he opens his house to all the young girls, but really has no intention of keeping up with them.

So as I was barking, mom was online looking for a B.F.F. for me, and she went to the Petfinder.com website where she originally found me. It is pretty much the greatest website in the world that shows all sorts of animals that need hugs and treats and cuddling, and it finds humans for them to live with.

Well mom found a girl on there that would be perfect for me, and it turns out she is from the same adoption agency that I came from! Mom knew this has to be fate, and contacted this lady Dana from the adoption place immediately. I absolutely remember Dana...she is the lady who rescued me from being a puppy mill breeder and brought me to my nice new posh home now. Dana is like my guardian angel!

Mom went ahead and filled out the application for this girl named "Leigh Ann" (bleh, that name will have to change), and submitted her request. After she was done, she played around on the website some more, and clicked on the "Success Stories" link, and BAM! There I was! For all the world to see!

They have a picture of me, and my story, and everything. (Well, they got a little bit of the story wrong. They called Chuck my "sister". I laughed and laughed at this, but Chuck didn't seem to think it was so funny. He just started licking himself where his balls used to be. I think he has "Phantom Ball Syndrome" or something.)

So hopefully we will get to adopt this Leigh Ann girl to be my new B.F.F., and then she can get on the "Success Stories" website too!

Here is the site I am on...
They have me listed as "Precious" because that was my original name. Thank goodness mom gave me a new hip name. I love when Mom tells me the story of how she found me. Mom says that when she saw that first picture of me, it was "love at first site". Then I always give her kisses on her face to thank her for adopting me. I love when mom tells me that story.

So I am hoping to get to meet Leigh Ann this weekend. We'll sniff butts, and see if we have the same hobbies and interests (you know...chewing bones, playing fetch, and long walks on the beach), and if we like eachother then we get to stay together forever and ever.

I'm keeping my paws crossed!

- Wicket

My Big Fat Pekingese Belly

So, it turns out Mom didn't take me to Nakuru, Kenya, Africa after all! What a let down. I was all packed and ready to go...dog bowl, adventure belt (leash, to you humans), Duck (my favorite toy). But come the day after Kissmas, Mom, MG, and Uncle Matt all left me at the house, and then MG and Uncle Matt came back without Mom. She went to Africa without me! What a female dog!

Other than my disappointment in being left home, Kissmas all in all was okay. I got a new party dress, which always makes my day. And even Krusty Charlie got a little Kissmas hoodie. We looked adorable, I must say.

Don't pretend you're not turned on.

Krusty Charlie is SO emo!

"Every party has a Pooper, that's why we invited you, Party Pooper! Party Pooper!"

One of the days in December was super super nice outside, so Mom and M.G. decided they were going to Beach, and this time I got to come! I had never been to Beach before, but it was Ahhhh-mazing! I even got in the water for a little bit (I'm not a huge fan of water, but I'm learning.) We walked and walked and walked and walked for a long time, and lots of people stopped to tell me just how adorable I was and give me scratches on my head. Sometimes though, people would pretend not to see me, and I would stop walking and just stare them down until they acknowledged my presence. People are so rude! When you see something adorable, you mention it, okay?!
<------We are pretty photogenic, no?

Someone should tell mom she looks dumb in baseball hats.

Now that Kissmass is over, Mom is on this whole "Working Out" thing. She keeps muttering about needing to lose some pounds. And then Mean Grammy usually pokes her finger into my belly and says "Yeah, and Wicket can stand to lose some weight, too!"

You know what, Mean Grammy? I gave birth to SEVERAL litters of pups before you came into my life, okay? Mean Grammy has only had 3 pups, so she has no idea what a girl's body can look like after having 30 puppy lips gnawing at your titties your whole life. The next time she pokes her finger in my belly I'm going to bite it right off and then hide it in the back yard. She loves to dig around so much out there, then let her dig for her own stupid finger.

I don't mind "Working Out" that much though, because it means I get to go on walkies every day now! My friends Billy and Jane have been coming with us, and they bring their mom Morgan. So Mom and Morgan squawk like a bunch of chickens the entire time we're walking, and Billy, Jane and I take the lead and see how many times we can pee on top of other dog's pee. I am pretty much king at marking my territory.

We make quite the spectacle in the neighborhood.

Jane has this little plaid bookbag her mom puts on her back for her to hold her own poop during our walk. Jane's mom Morgan said something about "It's THEIR poop---why shouldn't they have to carry it themselves?" I'm glad my mom is broke all the time, because if she had a few spare dollars lying around, I'm pretty sure I'd have a Poo Satchel strapped to my back in 5 seconds flat!

Jane and I used to be Arch Enemies. She was the Joker to my Batman! I mean, she was crazy just for the sake of being crazy. But then after Mom got back from Nakuru, Kenya, Africa she started being nicer and nicer to me, and now we're just about best pals. I don't know what changed her mind about hating me and biting me, but I'm glad we're buddies now. We run around like crazy chasing eachother, smelling each other's fannies, and I even share my toys with her now.

So next time you see me, I will (supposedly) be thinner. Psh, like I care. Mom talks all the time about loving not having a boyfriend, because then she doesn't have to shave her legs or wear makeup and stuff. Well, same with me. I love being fixed, because then I can gain all the weight I want, and I don't have to worry about some stud hanging around me all the time.

I heart being fat.

But I also heart Walkies.

Life is good for me.

- Wicket

Kissmas, Kenya, and Cookies

So, I know its been a while since I blogged. Here is my only explanation...

NOTHING interesting has happened in my life AT ALL! I have been sitting my fat butt on the sofa watching TV and chewing bones, and that's nothing to write home about, my friends.

Mom and M.G. have been so busy doing all their piddly little human things, that my social life has been put on the backburner for now so I can keep an eye on them and make sure they don't have a seizure or something from all the craziness.

First mom was busy making all of these shiny things. For weeks, all she did was take one shiny rock or crystal or bead, and then attach it to another shiny rock, crystal, or bead. And that's all she did. All night long. For DAYS!

We got no long walkies. We got no playtime. We got no car rides. We got nothin'.

My friend Billy came over while mom was making her shiny things, and then they put them on our heads like little tiaras or something.

Mom and Billy's mom Morgan were highly amused. We, however, were not.

Here is Billy, unamused.

She finally stopped making all the shiny things two weeks ago, so I was excited to have our life back to normal. But then all she could focus on after that was something about Nakuru, Kenya, Africa. And so for days, she's been all "Oh, blah blah blah Nakuru, Kenya, Africa" this and "Yada yada Nakuru, Kenya, Africa yada yada" that. She keeps talking about packing, so I'm assuming this means we are going somewhere. Yay! I love trips! It's about time...I've been ingnored for too long!

So when mom isn't blah-blah-blahing about Nakuru, Kenya, Africa then she is yada-yada-yadaing about Kissmas. She kept talking about how she has to get home and rap. Then something would come up, and she couldn't rap. Then she would plan to rap again, but then something else would come up. I don't know why she is so stressed about rapping...I thought my mom liked folk music best. I guess she changed her mind, because she is really into this whole rap thing now.

And when she isn't rapping, she's talking about presents (lots for me, I hope), and food (again, lots for me, I hope), and cleaning (certainly not of me, I hope). But she isn't talking about kissing much at all for Kissmas. I love kisses! But mom doesn't seem to stressed about it, so I guess she is expecting lots of kisses on Kissmas and doesn't feel the need to stress over it.

Also, lots of talk about Kenley and Dave coming. Kenley is mom's sister...they were pups together. And Dave is her mate. Which means they agreed to only hump eachother for the rest of their lives, and no one else. And boy, them must like to hump A LOT, because they already had one pup, and now they are going to have another one!

And if Kenley and Dave are coming, that means they are bringing my cousin, Pig. Pig is a French Bulldog, with wicked nasty farts, and a penchant for humping mom's arm. Even after they got his jingle-balls removed, he still likes to hump her. Gross.

And if Kenley and Dave are coming, they are bringing their pup, Harper. And mom is very excited about that, since this is the pup's first Kissmas.

So, I guess I can report back later on about my fabulous upcoming trip to Nakuru, Kenya, Africa and about how Kissmas goes. And if you think about it, get my mom some good rap cd's for Kissmas.

- Wicket the Dog

Meat is murder!!!! (Delicious, delicious murder)

So, turns out that the "bird" that mom and M.G. brought home for us wasn't a new family member at all....it was FOOD!!!

At first I was horrified. Then things started to smell muy delicioso en la cocina, so I got over the murder-aspect very quickly.

This is me, supervising in the kitchen.

There was a lot of cooking going on all day, so between the hullaballoo in the kitchen and all the smells tickling my nose, I didn't get to nap at all during the day like I'm used to.

Mom made these pictures of all of the humans and the dogs photoshopped as turkeys. They thought it was hysterical, but I didn't quite get it. I mean, I'm an Ewok....not a turkey! Mom is kind of a dork, but she saved me from a life of eternal pregnancy, so I let it slide.



<---Billy, who is pretty cool

Finally, everybody sat down and ate. And then ate some more. And then ate even more. And I didn't get ANYTHING! (Well, M.G. snuck me a fingertip of gravy from the table, but that was it!! Just a teaser, if you ask me!)

There were 6 humans (Matt, Morgan, Wade, Rebecca, M.G., and mom) and 6 dogs. Man, there was butt-sniffing going on alllll night! But no one tried to hump me, so it was all good. My usual friends were there (Jane, Billy, and Roxie) and of course my old man Chuck was there. But a new dog was there on Thanksgiving. Wade (Morgan's mate) brought over his dog, Rufus.

Charlie, my smelly ole' man----->

Boy, I had never seen anything like this Rufus before in my life!! He had legs that went for miles. I could walk right under him and not even bump him! And he had such a regal nose. My mom told me he is a Blue Tick Hound, but I don't know what she meant by that, since he wasn't blue, and didn't have any ticks at all.

<----Jane, who is pretty much a nervous wreck all the time

I was one smitten kitten.

I hope Rufus comes around more often. I dig his vibe.

Everyone kept talking about this Tip-Toe-Fan, and how it made them soooo sleepy. Now, I'm all for tiptoeing, especially when I'm trying to sneak up on a turkey platter, but I've never tiptoed enough that it made me pass out on the sofa like they did. They kept blaming it on the Tip-Toe-Fan, but I think they were all just tired from cooking food for 5 hours and then shoving it all in their faces within 20 minutes.

We had dessert at my house, and M.G. thought it would be funny to put whipped cream on all the dogs' noses and see if we could lick it off.

Roxie, who really likes to dump in my yard------>

<------C'est Moi, of course!

Billy got it stuck in his mane, Charlie was too dumb to even care what was going on, but Rufus...Rufus had a giant glob of whipped cream stuck right on his big, sexy nose, and his tongue kept lapping out of his mouth to get it off. Mmmmmmmm. I think I drooled a little bit just watching him.

I tried to entice Rufus back into my boudoir, but his humans left pretty soon, so I ended up going to bed alone. Oh well, maybe next time, mon cher.

All in all, Thanksgiving was pretty fun. The humans stuck around at home all day, which is always nice. There was lots of food, which is a plus. And napping, which I never, ever complain about. Ever.

--Wicket

It's all about me!

Welcome to my world! I'm Wicket, a Pekinese/Poodle/Ewok mix. But I don't like the term "mix" or "mut". I prefer "hybrid". It sounds much more sophisticated, don't you think?

This is me, and a picture of my name-sake from the Star Wars movie!

My mom rescued me from a puppy mill, and basically all we did there was hump, hump, sleep, and hump some more. I'll love her forever for getting me out of there! She found me on petfinder.com, and the way she tells it, she fell in love with me instantly.

Here's a picture of mom and me (in our matching t-shirts, of course!)...

Mom and I live together, but it's not just us. We share our house with M.G. (which stands for My Grammie, or Mean Grammie, depending on the day) and Charlie, an old Poodle who has really nasty bad breath.

My kingdom has been in total upheaval these past few days. Mom and M.G. keep talking about this "Thanksgiving", and how they have to scurry around to get ready for it. I'm not really sure what they are talking about, but I've seen A LOT of grocery bags coming into the house, and they said they even got a bird! I don't know why they need a bird, since we have lots of them in the back yard that M.G. is always yelling at.

So mom and M.G. have been all fired up about this "Thanksgiving" thing, and telling me we're going to go over to our neighbors house for it. I have no idea what I'm in store for, but I'm hoping lots of napping will be involved. Ohhhh, I just love to nap.

I'll let you know how this "Thanksgiving" goes down, and what this new bird in our house will be like on my next post. Stay tuned! (I have nothing to do during the day while mom and M.G. are at work, so I've decided to make this my new hobby to pass the time.)

- Wicket,